walking with no direction
no clear idea of where to go
maybe i’ll stay here for a while, but never for long
i pop up every now and then,
people say you’re fun to be around
they never want to leave
but at the end of the day
you get back to the streets
it’s getting a bit lonely,
either way i have no other choice but to get used to the feeling
i’ll always be here to help you, and we both now, once you’re alright,
you wouldn’t want me back into your life
don’t worry about me
i’m just going to be her for a couple of chapters
never the full book
“(n). heartfelt grief; sorrow of the heart, heartache”
from: Wiktionary, The Free Dictionary.
he saw her walking away,
a small figure became blurry every time he blinked,
he wanted to shout,
to run to her and just say
instead he stood there,
waiting for her figure to disappear,
so he could whisper
while holding back his tears,
because he knew she wouldn’t be back.
It was the second day you showed up. I became interested in you, you didn’t look like anyone in that place, I think that’s what caught my attention.
I tried to get close to you, as much as I could, but I was so scared, there was a part of me that couldn’t accept it, even if we could only be friends.
I saw you directly into your eyes, they were green, like a light green, sometimes I could see them blue, but a light blue, looking like the color of the sky every now and then, your pupils were dilated and you smiled, I couldn’t stop smiling. Did I only want to be your friend or more?
I hate myself for not forcing me to talk to you, but either way I couldn’t date you, because I saw her sitting with you outside the theater, I saw your pictures with her. It was that time I realized you had a girlfriend, and my heart broke into pieces, but I’m happy for you, you’re happy with someone else, and seeing you happy makes my day.
cómo le digo a alguien que siento que no le importo sin que se enoje?
cómo devuelvo el tiempo y hago todo lo que siempre quise hacer sin sentirme mal?
cómo encuentro a alguien que quiera escuchar?
cómo puedo callar esa voz en mi cabeza que es tan mala conmigo?
cómo puedo pedir ayuda sin sentirme mal?
cómo hago para disfrutar la vida y no sentir que estoy perdiendo el tiempo?
cómo te explico mis sentimientos si siento 10 cosas en un minuto?
cómo te puedo decir cómo estoy si no muestras interés en ello?
cómo vuelvo a nacer? en otra vida, en otro cuerpo
cómo dejo de odiarme por sentir tanto?
cómo dejo de fingir que todo va bien si solo quiero arrancarme el corazón?
cómo puedo olvidarme de todo y empezar desde cero?
que ya no puedo más
why would you want to be with me? Someone who has a lot of shit on her mind, I’m nothing special, then why me?
I’m afraid to be a burden for you, I love you so much, so much I don’t want you to take care of me when things get ruff, I know we’ll be together, but why me? when there’s a lot of girls who have their shit together and I don’t.
I love you, but why me?
i am the problem
i am the one who doesn’t wanna open up
im the one who won’t talk about their feelings
im the one who pushes everyone away
im the won’t who can’t say what they want
im the one who can’t accept gifts
im the one who won’t text back
or say what’s going on in her life
or talk about what’s wrong
i am the problem
and i don’t know how to fix me
i knew it was you
from the first moment i saw you
i couldn’t get my eyes off you
then you came to say hi
and we stayed all night together
i didn’t know you
i barely knew your name
but i knew it was you,
and i was right
a night we met and i fell
i was hoping to see you soon
hoping for you to talk to me
i wanted to spend time with you, but didn’t know how to tell you
but when we did, that was the best moment in my life
and so i knew i was in love
actually in love
for the first time ever
and i don’t regret that,
i would do it all over again if i had to
and enjoy every second of meeting once again
im happy you’re doing amazing
i just wished you said goodbye as you left
you’re just a memory i sometimes go and visit
just to feel nostalgic, or happy, or sad,
or whatever i’m trying to feel that day
it’s a fun little game i like to play with myself
sometimes i want to feel loved
so i’ll go back to those memories where you said the loveliest things i’ve ever heard
maybe you were lying, or maybe you were telling the truth
i’ll never know that, and you’ll never tell me
sometimes i want to feel nostalgic
so i’ll go back to the memories of us eating ice cream and you telling me everything going on in your life
and in someone else’s life
or when we used to go to your place to play video games until i had to leave
it’s funny, you know
i kept saying i don’t need anyone
when that was clearly a lie
i won’t ever admit it
but i’ll always need you by my side
even if you’re not here anymore
even when i’m talking about multiple people
but i’ll need you
i’ll need anyone
because i can’t keep doing this on my own
i think i finally understand
i’m not a people person
i’m a lonely person
after wishing to have someone by my side all the time
to have a group of friends and do things that friends do
to have a friend that you’re their number one
and they’re your number one
even when that’s my dream
i know, i’m a lonely person
after people leaving
and being done with this shit
i’m a lonely person
even though i wish i wasn’t
i woke up, by a light shining thought a hole
trying to open a box with my fingernails
digging them into the wood
a little bit of blood is seeking through
the box opened, letting the light hit my face
there’s three men on the boat,
one of them leading and the other ones looking around
i sat down on a box, looking around at the sea
“am i dreaming?” i asked
“never in a million years life is going to be as nice to you as dreams” the oldest one said
they started singing a song, that somehow i knew
i closed my eyes
just to wake up by a light shining through a hole
this time it was the moon
hugging me, letting me know I was safe
as they threw me off the boat
to the ocean
as i became one with the ocean